The Shape of Us

i can't believe it's been nearly 2 months since our lives were bonded together.
i need to write here again. i'm learning too much about life, too much about love, too much about myself to not document this journey.
so i'll be back on monday. until then, enjoy this song that was written for Justin and i. it just had to have been written with us in mind.
seriously.



The Shape of Us
You're no longer alone.
We've found a space to name our own.
There aint no need to fret or fuss.
We've got all the strength we need in the shape of us.

And I know you've had it tough.
Your road's been bumpy and rough.
But say goodbye to a world that you once knew.
I have every faith in me and you.

Hold my hand.
Hold my heart.
Let go your fear.
Darling I will always be here.

I never felt quite so at home.
Your sweet caress is the best I've known.
Now that I've proved to you that I'm worthy of your trust.
Let us build a world in the shape of us.

Chorus.

Darling I will always be here.

~Ian Britt
big light

In memory of Ramona~

My always abiding friend Faith was with her mother as Ramona passed through the veil and into the next estate. Please pray for the Haywood family~

About God's Plan of Happiness

NYE

True that it's been awhile. i'm not quite sure where to start.

 But i think the video below is a good place and then i'll go back to the beginning.

Meet my husband, Justin.

i am now, Mrs. Bird~

film credit: Jarren Bird

you know life is good when you start quoting Wicked

One of my favorite songs of all time. ALL. TIME.
Feeling gratitude for someone in particular who has changed me For Good.
(song really gets going at about 0:50)

GratiTuesday

Today i'm most grateful for personal revelation.
Seriously. Don't know what i'd do without it.

GratiTuesday

This week i've had Christmas music on nonstop. i love it. Feeling so grateful for the season and for music that deepens my rememberance and appreciation of my savior Jesus Christ. The Pandora Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas and Michael Buble' Christmas stations are staples right now. Quality stuff.

GratiTuesday

i've been posting so much more on facebook these days. Need to get in the habit here again.
Well, this has been an eventful week. It gave me journaling material for at least the next month, so i'm gonna stick to that.
GratiTuesday: i'm feeling really thankful for good music and movies. mostly media that uplifts. But i'll admit, once in awhile i'll be down, or feeling grief or whatever, and i just want to be understood-- sometimes a moody, solemn song or movie helps me sort of fast track through my stuff and get to feeling up again. Media can do that. Pretty cool~
Below is a little pic i snapped on my way home from Grandpa's funeral. This is somewhere outside of the Four corners area. Of course a cell phone doesn't really do it's beauty justice...

my Ray of sun

Grandpa passed away this weekend at nearly 99 years old.

The memories of summers with him in Monticello have flooded back. i realize just how much of Grandpa Ray is inside me. Dear heavens i miss that man...

multiple personalities

My kiddos love to dress up. LOVE to dress up. So this Halloween they felt the need for multiple costumes at the various parties that were attended. The rundown for the grandparents...

Danny as Stitch worn at ward playgroup

This one was a Goodwill purchase for 3 bucks. i bought it thinking at first it was Eeyore. Couldn't pass it up and as it turns out, Danny loves to be in this thing. As in, he cries every time i take him out of it.

*sigh*

Mo as Spiderman

This one was a birthday present from Dad which means he's had it on at least an hour a day since August. Actually, it's reversible, so you can turn it inside out and he becomes the black version of Spiderman-- which kind of doubles the playtime. The math: 2 hrs/day x 70ish days= i'm thinking Dad got his money's worth.

Danny as a Pumpkin circa 1983 worn Halloween night

Mom, does this look familiar? My mom made this costume for me and i saved it from a Goodwill pile when i was a Jr. in high school. Way back then i knew i had to save it for my kiddos. Danny had the honor.

Ironman--Mo wore this at the Ray family party

Not pictured (yet)--

Funny Bones costume worn by Mo Halloween night

GratiTuesday

i don't ask for signs. i feel that for me, to do so would show lack of faith that He is indeed aware of me and my life. But God has been giving all kinds of signs this week. Mostly little things (actually huge things) that lift me enough to give my day positive momentum--A text from a friend or an offer to watch my kids while i attend the temple-- all from God's angels on the earth. Yesterday was a string of those beautiful moments; One being that as i drove into the cemetery, two balloons floated overhead. Some may say it was coincidence, but it sure made me smile and remember that my boys are always watching over our little family-- our guardian angels. i'm grateful for angels all around us; and the way that Mo and Danny rough house makes me think we've got those angels working overtime...

3

three years since i've held my boys.
my grief is quiet this morning... content to be set aside and still during the wake of lifes shifting. but i miss them. that won't change until i can hold them in my arms again. i know i will. after all, i am their mother. i believe.

still weeks to go...

what happens when we die?

and none were with him

and for any of us who feel alone at times~

gratiTuesday

I'm grateful for God's Plan of Happiness. I'm grateful that i can be forgiven.
And that in the end it will all be okay.
If it's not okay, it's not the end.

i've posted this before on the old blog but it's been on my mind for days. This man is an inspiration for me. He is quoted in a newspaper article here and his words are really beautiful~

GratiTuesday...Motherhood~

Last night i reclined in bed while the boys crawled all over and around me. Morris brought book after book to be read.
"Just one more, mommy".
It's after 10 pm and the night is young.
These are the moments i will remember in 20 years. These are the images of motherhood that break my heart open and remind me why i brought these babies down. i love this work. and so often this work is play, if i let it be.
Last night i remembered to play.
Danny buries his face in my chest and Mo kisses my cheeks. The giggles of children completely melt me. Then Mo tickles my middle and looks up to observe aloud, "Mommy, your tummy is soft!".
My tummy is soft.
Yes, my tummy       is soft.
Because it's something i've thought quite a bit about. i wish i hadn't, but i have. After 3 pregnancies and 4 babies, a small part of me still believed this notion that i could attain a Hollywood midsection just weeks after birthing. And 16 months after? No question that by now it should be rock-hard! Right? Right?!

image: Jeanette LeBlanc Photography

This photo was taken after Danny's birth. Honestly, i struggled to see the full beauty in it at first. I mean, look at that 3 day postpartum belly. It moved independently from me. "How could that be beautiful?", i thought. But Jeanette was wise to capture me in all my motherhood.

 

"Mommy, your tummy is soft!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. It's a little jiggly"

He pats it with his palm.

"And what do you think about that? That my tummy is soft...and ...jiggly"

He thinks for a second.
"I like it soft. If it was hard, I couldn't put my head there. It would be... hard".
He scrunches his face.
Oh, the wisdom of a 4 year old.

At 10:21 pm my calling as a mother reveals yet another blessing. Motherhood makes us soft, if we let it. Our hearts become softer, more tender. Our brains become softer (lost car keys anyone?) so that the truly important information of playdates and favorite superheroes have space in our heads. And yes, our tummies have something a bit extra so our little ones can lay their heads down, look up in our eyes and know that we are there for them in every sense of the word. I am a soft place to land for my children.

Don't be mistaken, under my pillow-soft outer is a core strong as steel. Soft doesn't have to mean weak. But this holy work of motherhood has brought me to a place where i understand that looking strong and being strong don't always go hand in hand.

Right now, in this season of my life, I choose strong and soft~

gratiTuesday

Leigh's 3rd annual Harvest Moon Soiree was yet again the party of the year. Yeah. i'm grateful for parties. Parties where i can dance my cares away and feel safe in the loving arms of friends who get me. i can just BE.

 i usually take my camera to catch fun shots of the kiddos dancing to the drum circle and grown adults roasting marshmallows, but my friend Richard (a really real photographer) was doing a MUCH better job. So i set the camera down and enjoyed myself. Here are more of the photos but this one is my personal fav ; )

image: Richard Kimbrough Photography
oh, and this one~

image: Richard Kimbrough Photography

and of course, i was eating and drinking all night, so this shot was inevitable.

image: Richard Kimbrough Photography

October is shaping up nicely...